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Yes and No Questions
Do you recopy your notes to make them neater?
Do asymmetrical things bother you?
Have you ever felt hatred towards someone with a bigger harddrive than yours?
Do you have separate screen names for talking with friends and talking with close friends?
Have you ever said something like “good and evil are relative” or “it depends on your definition of good”?
Do you go to a math and science academy?
Do you know what 5! is right off the bat?
Did you ever pretend you could use the Force?
Have you ever taken the keys out of a keyboard to clean it?
Do you know Octavius’ other name?
Do you carry around spare batteries for your calculator?
Have you ever stared at a screensaver for more than five minutes?
Have you ever asked to see someone’s pen, pencil, eraser, or pencil box because you though it was really cool?
Do you have a favorite physics equation?
Did you lie on this test in order to raise your nerd ratio score?

I saw Piglet’s Big Movie on a date.

Let me begin at the beginning.

I was sort of in a relationship-ish-thing that...

No. That’s not the beginning.

I was living in a very rural area in Southern Maryland, and...

No. Further back.

I have been an animation fan since seventh grade.

There. I think that’s about it.

I have been an animation fan since seventh grade. And by “fan,” I mean that I know how many frames per second are necessary to create the illusion of continuous motion (16) versus how many are typically used in modern animated films (24), and I know that the actor who currently provides the voices for Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, Taz, and Pegleg Pete is the same actor who voiced Darkwing Duck, Monterey Jack, Bonkers, and Don Karnage (Jim Cummings). This does not mean that I am a fan of all animation, nor does it mean that I spend my days watching Oswald and Baby Looney Tunes. There is a subtle difference between, say, Gargoyles and Blue’s Clues, and that is that Gargoyles is a complex, well-written series incorporating classical mythology and higher-level concepts of what is right and wrong, and Blue’s Clues features a thirty-year-old man acting like a mentally impaired gerbil. In short, some shows are written for children, and some for those of us with slightly higher expectations, plot-wise.

Being antisocial is highly underrated. No, really. Think about it.

Friends are expensive.
If you have friends, you have to go out and do things, and doing things costs money. Movies, lunch, shopping, athletic events – whatever your preferred social activity is, it costs money. And in order to get that money, you have to have a job, which is never good. Avoid the jobs.

Friends also take up plenty of valuable time.
Without friends, you never have to conform to anyone else’s schedule. You can do whatever you want whenever it is convenient for you. And no more waiting around for those friends who just can’t figure out that “noon” means “noon,” not “one thirty.”

Basketball used to be the gay sport - tall men running around in short shorts. Of course, nearly everyone from the 80s seemed gay, especially rock stars with their tight-fitting, fashion-mugging clothes and gaudy jewelry.

I’m not saying that football players are gay. There’s nothing like bashing other men over a ball to demonstrate masculinity. It’s just that the person who designed the game and started the traditions made his/her (?) best attempt to transform an undeniably manly, aggressive, eats-meat-raw kind of game into a big gay tea party. Thankfully, the sheer brutality of the game masks this fact, although it becomes painfully apparent if you sit around and think about it for a long time because you have no life.

Giant, adult, burly men…wearing spandex. Ouch. Furthermore, in all other sports the players start each play standing, yet in the only sport where the players are wearing spandex they start bending over with their butts in the air. Then they put another guy behind the guy with his butt in the air, so the first guy’s butt is in the second guy’s face. Unfortunately, the quarterback has nowhere to look but straight ahead because he needs to be ready to catch the hike. They could just have the quarterback start with the ball or they could even have the player on the other team, whose butt is not facing the quarterback, pass the ball to the quarterback like check in basketball.