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On her new album, The Fame Monster, Lady Gaga said that each song on the album addresses a specific “monster” in her life. After listening to the songs, the following is an attempt to find the “monster” in each song:

Bad Romance : Fear of falling in love with Charlie Sheen. I proffer, “I want your ugly. I want your disease. I want your horror. I want your psycho.”

Explain the importance of vision in Blake's work:

Blake wrote about stuff he could see, so that's why vision is important to his work. If he couldn't see it, he couldn't describe it in his writing. What's more, if he couldn't see, he couldn't see what he was writing. Think of all the uncaught spelling errors! That's why vision is very, very important to William Blake.

Living in a major metropolitan area is difficult. A city is akin to the bathroom in a dive bar. It’s cramped, smelly, and fit for any number of unspeakable acts. However, it isn’t the smog, muggings, or binocular-clad neighbors that frustrate me. It’s the self-absorbed populace.

Obviously, one moves to a city because of the people. More people mean more businesses, which mean greater possibilities for employment. And the last I heard, having a job is beneficial.* One cannot live on discarded, back-alley produce alone. The problem is that cities don’t discriminate against who can or cannot live in them. In theory, this is an ethically valuable and logically essential quality. In practice, it means that anyone can live in your city. Anyone means everyone, and everyone means every asshole that should legally be obligated to never interact with anyone (see above definition of “anyone”).

* Writing comedy articles for the Internet does not constitute employment. [Editor's note: It's more like volunteering to be abused.]

Yes, that’s right. I, a lowly internet comedy writer, solved the Israeli-Palestinian Crisis. And it was easy.

The Israelis want to live in Israel. The Palestinians want to live in Palestine. At the risk of sounding anti-Semitic, the problem is semantic. Since Israel and Palestine are really the same place, the task becomes finding a way to keep both Israel and Palestine intact and in the same place. What is the solution, you may ask? Easy. Make a second floor –Palestine over Israel.