asher roth inadvertantly saves the world

Asher Roth Inadvertantly Saves the World

[emily rice]

So I was looking at Asher Roth’s entry on Wikipedia, feeling vaguely like I’m stalking him, and I ran smack into the reason education is so wanting in this great country of ours—the teachers suck. Unlike most rappers, Roth went to college. (Hence, the song, “I love college.”) What did he major in? Elementary education. Why does Roth love college? In his own words:

“I danced my ass off and had this one girl completely naked.”
“Drink my beer and smoke my weed."
”Pass out at 3, wake up at 10, go out to eat then do it again.”
“I love drinking. ”

That’s right. There’s your average elementary school teacher. How well do you think the children will do on their standardized tests if their teacher spends the day passing a joint among the kids? “ Let’s learn how to count, kids! You count the number of beers I drink until I pass out. Ready?! One! Two! Three! If I get to 10, you guys remember the assistant teacher has to strip now. “

There are three types of people who actually major in elementary education--athletes, underachievers, and people who actually want to teach because they value education and investing in childrens’ future. Do you know what the solution to the problem is? Athletes can be athletes after college. They are not the problem. It’s the underachievers that are the problem. The solution is to make all the underachievers career rappers, thus keeping them out of classrooms and keeping them from destroying and corrupting America’s youth. What college underachiever doesn’t want to be a rapper? Hell, let’s make all of the world’s underachievers rappers! People like rap music, right? If there is an influx of rap albums and people buy them, this will provide a boost to the economy, ridding America of a little bit of its recession. The end of our recession means the end of other countries’ recessions and voila! It’s a happy and carefree world once again, with a lot of little kids swearing profusely like rappers.

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