stranger danger in "the wizard of oz"

Stranger Danger in The Wizard of Oz

[emily rice]

An America Classic? An outstanding time-withstanding film? The epitome of fantasy adventure with moral overtones? Yeah. Right. The Wizard of Oz is nothing but a rubbish heap of misleading propaganda for gullible children. In other words, it sucks, and it will rot your childrens’ minds. Let me explain.

This movie sends a bad message to kids right from the beginning. A tornado sweeps across a Kansas farm . First off, do not look for your feisty little dog during a tornado because you won’t make it to a safe place to ride out the storm. On top of that you’ll get hit on the head and go to Lala land, and your dog will be okay anyway. Do you know what getting hit on the head does to you? It gives you a concussion. That’s what, and concussions are bad. There are easier ways to hallucinate that involve drugs and no head pain.

Once in Lala land, a “good” witch will arrive in a bubble, and a bunch of short, human-like beings will dance and sing around you. Here you can relax. If they wanted to kill you, they would’ve done so by now. Oh, and there is no such thing as a good witch. I would be a little suspicious of Glenda there. Sometimes evil wears makeup and frilly dresses, too. Also, teaching children they can travel safely inside bubbles is a danger to the community. There is no real form of “bubble travel.” Be very careful about what you let your impressionable, young kids watch on TV.

Well, the tiny mutant human race tells Dorothy to start down the yellow brick road. I don’t think they liked her very much, else they would have offered her a ride, and Glenda, the “good” witch, could of course have offered Dorothy a bubble ride. Well, this path begins with traveling around and around in a circle, which is not the sign of an efficient path that will get you directly to your destination. She could’ve gained two minutes by starting where the path meets the forest.

Along the path, Dorothy comes across a scarecrow. Do you know what scarecrows are? That’s right. They are evil. That’s how they scare crows away. The scarecrow “only wants a brain.” Yes, someone else’s brain. Traveling with an evil retarded scarecrow who thirsts for brains is not recommended under any circumstances.

Then she crosses paths with a “tin man.” If you ever meet a sentimental tin man with a hatchet in the woods, look out; he is coming for you. Nine times out of ten he will cut your head off after he tears out your heart and puts it in his chest cavity. Asking the tin man to join your little company going to meet the great wizard of Oz certainly was not the best idea.

Also, if you ever meet a lion in the woods, no matter how cowardly, run. He’s probably starving and hasn’t had warm human flesh in quite a while because no one is stupid enough to prance along the yellow brick road deep into the forest. Wow, that was a long sentence.

Thanks to this Wizard of Oz, little children across America are probably eagerly awaiting walking in the forest one day and running into clumsy scarecrows , rusty tin men, and singing lions. Parents, I beg of you, I implore you, warn your kids about stranger danger. Don’t let them lead themselves to harm because they saw The Wizard of Oz. Just because someone looks friendly does not mean they are friendly. Remember that.

Oh, and monkeys can’t fly. Don’t misinform the children.

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