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What did Tebow need? He needed a friend, and he found that in Ben Benton of the Philippines, where Tebow does social work. “When I met him, he was just crushed,” states Ben Benton. “I told him, ‘Sometimes you just have to say, “No.” Relax, man. You can’t do it all.’”

It’s that time again! Time to pack up all of your clothes and get ready for Spring Break!!! Many of us college students need the break. At this point we will have been going for nearly two straight months of the grueling educational process wherein tests, homework, projects, and going to campus for five, six, sometimes nine hours at a time… excluding business majors of course. We students need to go somewhere. Somewhere far. But where?

The Marijuana Smokers’ Union (MSU) has traditionally had trouble picking positive marijuana-smoking sponsors because many heavy weed smokers are mellow, lazy, underachievers who like to pig out on junk food while watching a whole lot of TV. “We had a really hard time getting a spokesperson because most smokers are not very inspiring, unless you’re inspired by the massive amount of marijuana some people have smoked in a day,” said Anna Ross, President of the MSU. “At last, at last we have a marijuana smoker that has actually accomplished something,” commented a member of the MSU. “Eight gold medals? In swimming? AND a marijuana smoker? Now that’s something we can all admire. Michael Phelps is a God-send for the marijuana industry.”

An America Classic? An outstanding time-withstanding film? The epitome of fantasy adventure with moral overtones? Yeah. Right. The Wizard of Oz is nothing but a rubbish heap of misleading propaganda for gullible children. In other words, it sucks, and it will rot your childrens’ minds. Let me explain.

This movie sends a bad message to kids right from the beginning. A tornado sweeps across a Kansas farm . First off, do not look for your feisty little dog during a tornado because you won’t make it to a safe place to ride out the storm. On top of that you’ll get hit on the head and go to Lala land, and your dog will be okay anyway. Do you know what getting hit on the head does to you? It gives you a concussion. That’s what, and concussions are bad. There are easier ways to hallucinate that involve drugs and no head pain.

So I was looking at Asher Roth’s entry on Wikipedia, feeling vaguely like I’m stalking him, when I ran smack into the reason education is so wanting in this great country of ours—the teachers suck. Unlike most rappers, Roth went to college. (Hence, the song, “I love college.”) What did he major in? Elementary education. Why does Roth love college? In his own words: