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It is not a war until Wolf Blitzer is on TV again.

It is still butter even if you don’t believe it

All the posters in your room WILL fall down during Winter Break. And you won’t ever bother putting them back up.

A corner of your room will become a heaping pile of junk. Don’t fight it.

She’s really not your type- trust your friends.

If something in your room smells, and it isn’t your armpits, don’t keep looking. You don’t want to know.

The more cartoons a guy watches, the more fertile he is. Really, I swear.

Sarah Jessica Parker is ugly. I’d do the redhead chick before her- and she’s uglier than Roseanne.

Stolen milk crates make excellent furniture. Lay a slab of wood over it and ta-da: coffee table AND video game storage.

Remember that time you went to your professor’s office hour? Neither does he. Because he doesn’t love you.

If all the cars at the light hit the gas pedal at the same time, you wouldn’t have to wait for that clearly retarded jackass who is ALWAYS right in front of you.

Shoulder-mounted boom boxes are back- tote one around and impress all the babes.

If this works, let me know.

The stock market chart always looks like the Aggro Crag from Nickelodeon’s GUTS.

Lois Griffin is a total hottie- it’s okay to admit it.