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Here at www.digesting49.com we are starting a new series that will be brought up once in every great while when we have not one single clue what to write about or who to make fun of. Whenever something like this happens we take the easy way out--make fun of the 80s. There is just so much to rip apart, laugh at, and learn from, lest our children forget and our society falls back into the dark age of big hair, acid wash jeans, and wearing sunglasses at night.

The first subject of discussion is Journey. Journey, you’ll remember, had their big hit “Don’t Stop Believing” in 1981, which propelled an already big name band even further into rock history. The voice of Steve Perry, accompanied with the thumping bass of quintessential-porn-star-looking-‘70s-guy Ross Valory, and the competent drumming of Steve Smith (and 2 other guys) were selling out arenas and topping the record charts. 1983 brought more fame with the song “Separate Ways,” and finally the band had attained “greatness” according to Rolling Stone magazine. Journey can still be heard on the radio today and is well known around the world. But they have a deep, dark secret…

While “Separate Ways” peaked at #8 on the Billboard Top 40 charts in 1983, something was happening to the music landscape. That “something” was called MusicTV, or MTV, which showed “music videos” (something they don’t do anymore… however there are plenty of shows on dating people’s moms). Journey was not to be left out of the publicity-fest. So they made their first music video, featuring “Separate Ways.” It turned out to be one of the best music videos of all time. And by best, I mean 80’s-like best. And by 80’s-like, I mean shitty. So so shitty.

With me as your guide, I will walk you through the gem that is the “Separate Ways” video found via the magic of YouTube.

Go here and watch while reading: Separate Ways Music Video .

Recommendation: Watch in full screen mode for the full Journey experience.

First 30 seconds:

• Where is that lady going? (Note: Get used to her walking) and why is she dressed up and walking around a warehouse?
• A very intense intro aided by the lack of instruments -- very 80s
• Steve Perry is a very intense person

30 second to 1 Minute:

• More air instruments…did someone forget the truck?
• Steve Perry’s hair is something to gasp in awe at.
• More on the air instruments: The drummer is really taking the liberty of putting a lot of emotion into the air around him
• Steve Perry is a very intense person.

1 Minute to 1:30:

• Please, no more tight pants.
• Air keyboard…apparently it is possible
• Once the chorus comes in, doesn’t seem as though the band is about to fight someone?
• Steve Perry is a very intense person
• Note: I don’ t think they know their own song. They don’t strum in time with the music.

1:30 to 2 Minutes:

• A popped collar on a denim jacket. Wow.
• First appearance of the mystical wall-board. Where can you buy those?
• Doesn’t the drummer look like Gallahger? Get him a hammer and a watermelon!
• Look at the bassist. That should be example of what to wear if you are going to an 80s party. Get a thunder-inducing porn star mustache and large aviator sunglasses and tight tight tight white jeans
• Steve Perry is a very intense person

2 Minutes to 2:30:

• Slow motion - an absolute must in an 80s video.
• Steve Perry reaches the apex of his intenseness
• Notice Steve’s arm thrusts in angst and pain. Clearly if he couldn’t cut it as an arena band lead vocalist, he could’ve done soap operas.
• Close up on Steve Perry’s dental work. You’d think with all the money he could’ve gotten something done.
• How’d we get to Home Depot?

2:30 to 3 Minutes:

• WHERE DID HE COME FROM?
• WHERE DID HE COME FROM!?!
• WHERE THE HELL DID STEVE PERRY COME FROM!?!?!?!
• This, I think, is the best part of the video: Why are they all standing against the wall and then turning their heads at the same time to sing the lyrics? Talk about intensity. On the second quadruple turn, stare, and sing, doesn’t Gallagher look like he’s holding back a fit of laugher?

3 Minutes to 3:30:

• So uhhh… I guess the truck isn’t coming, so we’ll play on the stuff we found here at home depot.
• Note the keyboardist’s key rip up the keys and hitting the camera. Dude! Don’t break the camera! We’re already on a short budget. Why do you think Gallagher is playing on garbage cans?
• ***FASHION ALERT*** Tight denim jeans + Denim jacket = BAD! even for the 80s.

3:30 to 4 Minutes:

• Slow motion video montage--yet another must for an 80s video.
• Take a timeout and think: When they were filming this video, how did they not break out laughing? How can you be this intense and serious?
• Intensity all around!
• Reprise of the Wall-board.

4 Minutes to end:

• Back to the gang singing the chorus. Why is Gallagher giving a thumbs up even though he is supposed to be air drumming? And why does his shirt say: “Foosball”?
• Hope neither of them had bad breath.
• By the way I think I’ve seen the Keyboardist’s suit before. It’s a pattern you can buy at Lowe’s or Home Depot for shag carpet.
• Wall-board #3,
• Steve Perry is a very intense person

Wait just a second! It was all just a dream!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I had this dream: Journey was singing to me at Home Depot and I kept walking by them like I couldn’t hear them and what made it the worst was that Steve Perry looked like he was about to explode!

Note to self: Don’t listen to Journey on cassette while sleeping.