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You can’t deny the allure that if you, a regular human being, can answer 10 questions, spell the secret word, eat the cow testicles in under two minutes, or not punch Regis directly in the mouth, you could win a whole lot of money, a cheaply made catamaran, or even better, an invitation to the Tournament of Champions.

Don’t lie. You watch game shows. Maybe not anymore, but you used to. Game shows are everywhere. Remember, even those dumbass reality shows are game shows, too. We even have the “Game Show Network.” In fact, you probably even yelled at the TV when you knew the answer.

I would qualify as a game show junkie. If a game show comes on TV, I will stop whatever it is I’m doing and begin yelling frantically at the screen to help the people in their quest to win the grand prize. There is only one thing better than a good game show: a game show with celebrities. Especially bad celebrities. There’s nothing like watching C-list celebrities try to use the one thing that they didn’t use in their meteoric rise to mediocrity--their brain. But I honestly loved yelling at the screen to help Jim, a 4th grade teacher from Biloxi, Mississippi, win a Samsonite Luggage package back in 1994.

I’ve watched the Price is Right in six countries, and I’ve seen the German version of Card Sharks. I saw Japanese Survivor, which is pretty messed up, and I saw a game show in Canada where a child was put in this chamber and hit on the head with soccer balls until he fell down. When I was young, I loved GUTS, Legends of the Hidden Temple, and of course, Nick Arcade. In fact, as I write this I’m watching Jeopardy! But not just any Jeopardy!--the Ultimate Tournament of Champions Jeopardy. It’s the best of the best of all Jeopardy! contestants still alive. You may think this is sad, but I think this is the biggest thing to happen on Jeopardy! since Ken Jennings won 74 straight days or when Alex Trebek shaved his mustache.

Anyway, by now I think you’re starting to understand the depth of my game show addiction. And seeing as how we are having such a momentous occasion on Jeopardy!, one of the greatest game shows of all time, I figured I should amass the best game shows of all time. “Why?” you ask. The answer is simple: Jeopardy! is over, and Wheel of Fortune won’t be on for another two hours. But also because I think I will invoke memories for you that will make you realize and profess your love for game shows just like I am doing now.

BEST GAME SHOWS OF ALL TIME:

5. SCRABBLE (1984-1990)

Scrabble, sans TV, is an amazing game. But on TV, it only got better. Not only was there a gigantic Scrabble board on a screen designed by crack 1980’s computer graphic designers, but it had cool perky music behind the helpful and soothing voice of Chuck Woolery giving the play-by-play. However, the scandal of ’89 lead to its demise since technically speaking, the contestants didn’t draw the letter tiles out of a bag. Instead they were picked by a computer. And then people said that the show was sexist…and then racist. The final blow came when all of the U tiles were deleted from the computer, leaving whoever got stuck with the Q’s in trouble.

4. WHEEL OF FORTUNE (1975-today)

At first it was hosted by some guy named Edd Burns and then Chuck Woolery. But now it is safe in the hands of the amazing super host/Republican Wacko of Fox News, Pat Sajak. This game needs no introduction. “Wheel” is just plain great. Spin the wheel, get the right letters, spell the phrase, and you win! Could it be any easier? Plus, there is Vanna White, who has the easiest job in the universe: 1) Stand up. 2) Look hot. 3) Turn the letters that light up. In fact, now she just needs to touch them. But Vanna could be the downfall. When she retires, who will replace her and do that unbelievably taxing job? Nowadays you can’t be beautiful AND know the entire alphabet.

3. GUTS (1992-1995)

Why in the world was this only on the air for three years? Was Nickelodeon crazy? Kids 10-15 years old would compete in really cool action/sports games while Mike O’Malley would yell really loudly. Could it get any better on an afternoon after school? I wanted more than anything to be on the show and “Spill My Guts.” I would’ve owned the soccer goalie thing, and the Agro-Crag would’ve been my bitch. However, its downfall was Global GUTS. Although it was kind of cool that kids from Israel and Brazil competed with us, we still dominated, proving that the U.S. is the leader in the world when it comes to elastic cord sports.

2. JEOPARDY! (1964-today)

This show will let you seem smart to yourself and your friends, as well as make you feel stupid all at the same time. How could anyone not like Jeopardy! (assuming they aren’t stupid)? You can’t! My favorite part of the show is definitely when Alex asks the contestants questions about their lives, and they answer back awkwardly that they really do like Pottery Barn. “Perhaps too much,” Alex would quip back. Unfortunately, I feel this show will die once someone kills Alex mid-show when s/he gets a Daily Double question wrong, and he answers back with that condescending tone in his voice, speaking as if he already knew that Felix Faure was the President of France from 1895 to 1899.

1. THE PRICE IS RIGHT (1956-today)

This shouldn’t even be here. This is like comparing Michael Jordan with a paraplegic (who wasn’t even athletic to begin with) over who has the best slam dunk. First of all, Bob Barker is, at the very least, a God. Plinko, Dice Game, Secret X, Triple Play, and of course, Hole in One, are among the greatest games of all time. Personally, I feel that we could easily get out of the Iraqi quagmire by bringing the Price is Right over to Baghdad and letting everyone over there spin the wheel and play games like the “Haliburton Game,” wherein you win a lot of backdoor deals, but you only have 30 seconds to hide the money. Unfortunately, the downfall of this show will be Bob. The Adonis who is Bob Barker will not be able to dictate traffic on contestants’ row forever. And with Bob leaving, so will the show. After already losing Rod Roddy, I don’t think our poor, moribund souls can withstand the loss of Bob Barker.

I agree that my list is not perfect. I haven’t seen every game show ever made yet. Hey, I’m only 20 years old. But I feel I have a lot of time in my life to waste, and how should I spend it? G A M __ S H O W S I’d like to buy a vowel…